THIS IS THE BLOG I COULD NOT POST BEFORE THE ORIGINAL TITLE WAS LOST MESSAGES.
I heard this story one time of the space traveler who
went on a long space mission it was to take him many to another galaxy so he
was put in a type of sleep till he got there. When he got there the
ship was set to awaken him so he could do research on the planet he landed on
and send the info back to his home planet. A month later when he
finished his mission he got back into the craft to return home. He
thought he would return home a hero. Again he entered the sleep
state for the long trip home. When he finally arrived home he found
everyone on his planet had been dead for a long time. A large
asteroid had struck the planet a short time after he left and had caused the
sun to be blocked out for a long time. All human life died and in
time the cloud of dust settled and the planet and the air began to clear.
The traveler realized all that time he spent traveling in space, all the
research he had done on the distant planet, all the information he had sent
back was all for nothing. There was not one there to receive the
information he was sending home. He was so lonely and sad, but not
for the loss of all the people on the planet, because all his family and
friends would have been gone before he got back anyhow. He knew
that when he left. He was sad because there was not one there to
give him the hero's welcome home he felt was owed to him. He did
not mourn the loss of all human on his planet he mourned the loss of his hero's
welcome and the statue of himself he thought he would surely get when he came
home.
Here lately I have been feeling kinda like
that. I have been doing a lot of crying lately about things I lost
lately. I should not cry for those who died like my grandpa used to say
when a baby is born you should cry then cause their troubles are just starting
and when someone dies you should laugh cause their troubles are
over. In the past year my family has had 6 deaths the most recent
just yesterday. You add to that the fact my nephews cancer is
back and someone I once called a god friend turned her back on me without
telling me why you will see I have plenty of reason to cry. BUT am
I do not cry because those that died will not see another sun rise or sunset,
because most of them were in a lot of pain at the end. I cry because
I miss them, and I mass my friend. I miss the times we spent window
shopping on the net or talking about our art projects.
I consider myself a fixer. If I find
relationships that are falling apart I try to fix them. The problem is I
can not fix my own. I have tried to fix it but it is no use
. Nothing i did helped and I got no where. I am
beginning to think maybe it is time to take all those things that brought me
such joy when we were friends and put them in a box and hide it away till I
forget who got them for me. Every where I look there is something
to remind me of my lost friend, the orange pillow on my bed, the
petrified wood on and little teddy bear boy on my desk, all the jewelry in my
jewelry box, the little Christmas decorated with love in my shed..
Every time I see these things I cry at the loss. I have tried hard
to make myself believe that maybe I was wrong and she did not care as much as I
thought she did, but all these trinkets and keep sakes she sent me say
you were not wrong. So I am torn between what was and what is and
hoping for what could be again.
IF THIS BLOG SEEMED TO JUMP AROUND ALL OVER THE PLACE
WELCOME TO MY WORLD THAT IS HOW MY BRAIN HAS BEEN ACTING LATELY.
