This blog is going to be jumping around a bit because that is how my mind has been lately jumping around. First I would like to thank everyone who posted sympathy to the death of my nephew. The main things that eats me up inside about it is he was so young and he had just lost his parents 2 years ago.
I would like to now touch on the randomness of life itself. On their way home from my nephews viewing 2 good friends of theirs got into a car crash and were killed. The young drivers that hit them all lived. It made me wonder if I little thing in the time line had changed would they still have died in a crash? I have always believed everything happens for a reason. So If my nephew had not died there would have been no viewing and their friends may not have been there on that road that night. Or if they had stayed at the funeral home just 5 min more or left 5 min earlier would they have missed the car that hit them? I always try to look for the good in things and after weeks of searching I finally found something that made me not so sad. With his friend dying my nephew will have some friends in the after life with him. I just feel so sorry for those they all left behind.
Next subject why do people put off going to the doctor when they really should go? If my brother had went more often maybe he would have been able to avoid his heart attack, of maybe they would have found the cancer that killed him sooner and he could have had more time. Sense my nephews, and my own close call in June I have become obsessed with people going to the doctor when they do not feel well. I am so worried someone else will get ill with some thing that could have been cured if they found it soon enough. I do not know maybe I am being selfish, because I think about what I lost and how much I will miss them if anyone else dies.
Now on an unrelated subject. I may have lost a good friend she is not very happy with me right now, because I made a judgement call for the good of business instead of standing on her side. I investigated the issue fully and I found no evidence of wrong doing on the parts of the people she was mad at, so I told her that. I saw no need to cause further drama on what I considered a nonissue. I do not know if the friend ship can be repaired or not. But if she stays mad at me for doing my job to the best of my ability when maybe the friendship was not as strong as I always thought. No real friend would want you to compromise your integrate just so they could look like they were right. I know we will BOTH need some time to cool off, but I really hope we can reset our friendship in time. I want to know that we were as good as friends as I always believed we were. Face it everyone is human and everyone gets mad and everyone makes mistakes, BUT TRUE FRIENDS CAN RISE ABOVE ALL THAT. I have another friend that is proof of that. I had a huge fight with this other friend over a broken promise. I did not speak to her for 6 months and had no intention of ever speaking to her again. The thing is fate is a funny thing and one day about 6 months later I ran into her. She said she wanted me to forgive her( fact is I had missed her) so I told her maybe I could forgive her just this once, but only one time if she ever broke another promise to me we would be done for ever. I told her forgiveness would not be free though. I told her 2 things she would have to do to get me to give her another chance. She had lied on me to another friend of ours and I told her she would have to go confess the lie to him, and she did this. What surprised me was his reaction. I ended up having a big fight with him and I have not talked to him in years. She also did the other thing I told her she would need to do to earn a second chance. So I forgave her that was like 6 years ago and we are still friends. I talked to her briefly a few weeks ago. She is dealing with some family issues and does not have time for much else. So if this friend I fought with this week is meant to be my friend in time we will fix the friendship, and if it is not then I will have to accept that.
Next subject I have not been sleeping like a normal person sense my nephews death and the other night I had a nightmare that woke me straight up. I dreamed another friend of mine had died. The first thing I did was call his house to make sure he was ok. ( I have been know to have dreams that came true.) I was soooooooooo relieved when he answered the phone. He had been sleeping himself and I woke him, but I did not care HE WAS ALIVE is all I cared about.
There is one good thing that has come out of all this insanity. My creative juices have been flowing like mad. I have been working on one of my books and have nearly a whole chapter done. When you can not sleep at night you must do something and I have been researching my book. I found someone in a chat room of all places who has much knowledge on the subject I am researching. My nephew loved the picture of the car I painted him before his death and his sister in law informers me I may be asked to paint more for her husband as time goes by he is a race car driver and the cars I have painted the past 2 years are his.
It is like I told my niece time will heal our hearts but it will take time. I am just a little worried about the frame of mind i have been lately. My mind jumps randomly and rapidly from one thing to another, and some people that know me have started to see it. One of my other friends had my boyfriend call me on night because he told him I seemed a little off. That was the night I had only gotten like 3 hrs sleep in a 24 hr time period. Every time I tried to sleep someone was ringing my phone so finally I said this is not going to work and I got up and stayed up.
Well thank you all for letting me ramble on. Want to hear something ironic and funny years ago I played on line pool in a room called ramble on lol
