This morning I was talking to a friend and we got on the subject of my brother that died 3 years ago next month. My brother and I had some rough times in our relationship, because he disappointed me many times, and I had trouble getting past them. As I talked to my friend today I realized something that I really did not see before. My brother cared more about me then I ever realized. I was telling my friend about the time my brother borrowed a motorcycle and took me for a ride. It was the only time I ever rode a real motorcycle. That memory triggered the time a neighbor had brought his pony to our house, and was giving us all rides on it. I had measles that summer and mom would not let me go outside with the other kids that were riding it. I was 8 and I cried. I had never peen on a pony before and I really wanted to. My little brother was allowed and I did not understand mom was trying to protect me. My big brother told mom to put a coat on me and he would take me for one ride. Picture this mid summer and there I am on the horse with my brother and I am wearing a winter coat, but I got my ride. 
Then there was the time I was afraid to walk to the bus stop for school I had to leave at 6 am and it is still dark in the winter then. The walk was a mile and there were no lights on the road, so every sound I heard scared me. Mom told my brother I was scared and he went to his truck and brought me in a flash light. I still have that light. And there is the story I told at his funeral about how he used to stand between me and the wind when it was cold outside to try to block it off me when I was in first grade. He also would carry me when the show was deep. It is funny how one or two cases of hurt feelings can totally block out the good things someone did for you, and it is only after you lose them that you realize how good they really were to you, and it was only your hurt feelings that kept you from seeing it before they died. The only good sided of this story is my brother and I were starting to get close again not long before he died. I think if he had lived we would have been back to where were were before I was 7. Up till I was 7 I thought my big brother was the greatest guy in the world. I even wanted to grow up and marry someone that looked like him. Problem is the only person I ever found that looked like my brother was our first cousin and I am just not THAT hillbilly lol.
Then there was the time I was afraid to walk to the bus stop for school I had to leave at 6 am and it is still dark in the winter then. The walk was a mile and there were no lights on the road, so every sound I heard scared me. Mom told my brother I was scared and he went to his truck and brought me in a flash light. I still have that light. And there is the story I told at his funeral about how he used to stand between me and the wind when it was cold outside to try to block it off me when I was in first grade. He also would carry me when the show was deep. It is funny how one or two cases of hurt feelings can totally block out the good things someone did for you, and it is only after you lose them that you realize how good they really were to you, and it was only your hurt feelings that kept you from seeing it before they died. The only good sided of this story is my brother and I were starting to get close again not long before he died. I think if he had lived we would have been back to where were were before I was 7. Up till I was 7 I thought my big brother was the greatest guy in the world. I even wanted to grow up and marry someone that looked like him. Problem is the only person I ever found that looked like my brother was our first cousin and I am just not THAT hillbilly lol. My advice to everyone is if you are fighting with your brothers or sisters try to make peace, because you really do not know how much time you may have left to do it before it is too late. Then all you will have is memories and possibly regrets that you did not do it when you could. One of the last times I saw my brother before he died I was setting in his living room, and he came up behind me and squeezed me softly on my shoulder like he used to do when I was a little kid to let me know he was around. I turned around and smiled at him he got one of those grins like he would get when he was really happy. It is nice to have a few good memories to replace the bad ones , but I wish he was still alive so we could be making more memories. Well I got to go now his grand daughter is going to be here in about an hour to take me to an appointment, and I am not ready yet.
